The NCAA tournament is easily one of my favorite times of the year. College basketball is unequivocally my favorite sport, so naturally any time nearly a whole month is focused to it, I’m going to be as pleased as punch. However, I hesitate to call it March Madness, because that symbolizes the adoption of interest in college basketball by every mouth breathing halfwit in this country and the tempering of my enjoyment of this most splendid of tournaments by their nonsensical bullshit and motivated commentary fueled only by their hastily filled bracket.
Much like NFL games can be ruined by that one jackoff who won’t stop screaming at the TV that they should throw it to Calvin Johnson because he needs the Fantasy Football points, euphoric NCAA viewing can, and is, easily ruined by front running assfaces yelling about a team because they picked them to a certain point in their bracket. I fill out a bracket every year, cause bracket pools are fun and give you an extra incentive to gamble, always a win win. But its still secondary to actually enjoying, you know, the basketball portion of it all.
For example, last weekend, the opening 4 days of the tournament, arguably the most fun, I dealt with a pair of my pet peeves. First, I am a DIEHARD Marquette fan. As mentioned in previous posts, this collection of 18-22 year old student athletes has ridiculously provoked me to both item breaking rage and despondent, my middle school gf just broke up with me, tears…yes tears. (Don’t you fucking judge me). My friends, coworkers, and really anyone within a 100 foot radius during an actual Marquette game, knows this. Yet I had 2-3 different people, from friends to acquaintances actively rooting against them around me, cause they had chosen differently in their precious bracket. Listen douchelord, chances are you assembled your bracket based on mascots, school colors, or where you would rather live so don’t actively root against my favorite team IN MY PRESENCE just for the chance to finish 1 spot out of last place in your damn office pool. I don’t come to your home and root for the hottest yet bitchiest Bachelor hopeful and piss you off in the process.
Second, and tangentially related, are the idiots I heard rooting against upsets cause it would ruin their bracket. Lehigh was beating Duke, and people were tearing their clothes and gnashing their teeth cause GASP, THEY HAD DUKE IN THE SWEET SIXTEEN! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THE WORLD REALLY IS ENDING IN 2012! Get a fucking grip you cretins, the only time you say “F my bracket in its pathetic face” is when something awesome like this happens. And it was Duke! Coach K’s rat face was constantly perturbed and Austin Rivers’ face got instantly more punchable! Who cares about your damn bracket in that case. Get bent.
Finally, maybe all my bracket related angst is related to the fact that the winner of the biggest of my pools last year chose her picks on what she thought was a nicer city. She also was incorrect on the location of ~20% of those schools, making her method even more absurd. Yeah, I don’t want to talk about it.
For all of you who actually enjoy the tournament cause its fun and college basketball rules…cheers. Everyone else that falls into the categories above? I hope Bo Ryan and Coach K both visit you in your dreams…